Rock Band - The reason why you are going to look like a dork

Back in the day... I mean waaay back in the day, there was this wonderous little group of developers with a love for music of whom were collectively known as Harmonix. They brought forth into the world a game that the nerdiest of us have played (and own..) named Frequency. Frequency was a milestone for rythm games as it made it much cooler. See, in the past we had to play these games where you got up, stood on a mat and dance, danced your revolution onwards towards eternal virginhood. Also, you could play space channel 5, but then that meant you were gayer than a handbag full of rainbows next to a box of lucky charms and a Hedwig and the Angry Inch CD.

So, with Frequency, we could play Fear Factory, we could play Slipknot and we could do it with the trigger buttons on a controller with flashy lights and patterns that would have us frothing at the mouth like back in the day when we would watch that one Pokemon episode that always left us waking up naked in the middle of the woods covered in lube and sheep fur.

It was awsome.

Afterwards, we were introduced to cooler music and the concept that the track we were travelling down didn't have to be a tunnel, but could be flat in Amplitude. This was also awsome and I still have the restraining order from the nearest sheep farm to prove it.

No one expected what Harmonix would do next.

We ended up with the gayest looking parody of a guitar this side of Barbie's Rock out like a Starlett guitar my 3 year old daughter annoys me with. That would have to be the only negative aspect to the game, speaking as a man who actually plays a real guitar (electric and accoustic) I just cannot make myself feel like a man with that sad little plastic thing in my hands, but I digress. I digress because Guitar Hero is awsome, and so are all of it's decendants except for rocks the 80's and Guitar Hero III (the later of which isn't Harmonix's fault as Activision swept in and bought the GH franchise thinking they would be able to print money with it)

No longer were we pretending to play some instrument through a controller, we now had the opportunity to pretend to play an instrument that actually looked almost kinda sort of like a real guitar!!

This was awsomeness!

Who know real musicians that make a living covering other people's music could play a strapless guitar, make it flip around their legs while STILL PLAYING and while causing electricity to vomit out in all directions and make the whole crowd go more ape-shit than a roman orgy full old roman senators and little boys!

I am really overdoing it, and I am sorry. I just think it was kinda gay if you only took the time to step back, ignore the screen and look at the people playing it. This is something you have to get used to, and think is cool to even come close to RockBand being enjoyable.

RockBand is what Harmonix was putting together while Activision was thinking up wonderous ways to rape the GH franchise.

This is a review for RockBand, so I should get to it instead of this history lesson.

So...
Think Guitar Hero, add the ability for a singer (mic included), a drummer (drum set and awsomeness included), and two guitarists (one guitar, the other bass) and legions of screaming fans yelling "MY TURN!!"

So, here is why you need to blow about $150 on this game:
Unlike all the itterations of Guitar Hero, you can actually create yourself. You can design your own tattoos and makeup, change your clothes, rings, earrings and so on... you can also do the same with instruments. You can download your own favs through weekly downloads from xbox live or playstation network depending on if you are cool or not (not in that order) and, it's now a party game.

The thing about RockBand is that you are now in a team environment. If all are involved, and one person fails without being "saved" by his/her bandmates, then the whole band fails. You can be kicking ass on your solos (and yes, there are solos), but if the singer cannot karaoke the words and pitch correctly to Roam by the B-52s, then you are all screwed.

Aside from the co-operative aspect now introduced to the game, you also have a much more robust touring mechanic. Instead of the venues being tackled in order, you now have a choice to go back and forth, accumulate fans, transportation and so on so you can play bigger venues in the towns you started in.

This kicks a lot of ass if you're into this.

You will find that playing the game is quite different from Guitar Hero as some things have changed. Your little note indicators are now replaced by bars. They are a little shorter, but this doesn't make the game feel any harder, surprisingly. The other thing is hardware-based. The Guitar itself doesn't have the same shaped fret buttons, now they have a flatter, less distinct feel to them. Also, the colors now face the player. The other things are the additions of an effects indicator (that only changes when you solo or use star power) and new fret buttons. The new fret buttons that are where the higher frets are and are a lot closer together. They are there for new players, people with smaller hands and pussies. You will also find that when you play a solo with those frets, you dont need to strum.

The drums are just plain awsome. Unlike the guitar, it is actually quite close to emulating what it is like to play a real drum set, albeit a smaller drum set than the ones your favorite bands play on. You could possibly go to a real drum set and play the same way you were playing (on a higher difficulty) and it might actually sound correct. You get a kick pedal and drum sticks with the deal and honestly, even though I dont play the drums much, I think it's the best part of the game.

The vocals will make you feel right at home, you Kareoke Revolution playing American Idol reject. You know who you are Mr. Hung... go back and check if she still bangs, you sad excuse for a lack of coolness.

Honestly, it's one of the hardest parts of the game (I cant hit those notes in I Think I'm Paranoid, but that's cause I have a pair) cause you have to actually match pitch. The plus side is that even though the words are given to you, you can actually hum the pitch and get off scott-free.

Rundown:

Graphics - cartoony, but detailed. Good effects, everyone looks alive and animates quite like a rock star. There is no FAT option, so you cant make yourself (or me) faithfully, but you do have alot of play.

Sound - you may or may not have a favorite represented in the set list, but it is always growing, sounds great (even the covers) and the dl tracks are cheaper than on GHIII.

Gameplay - Its awsome, it makes you look gay, but you will be playing this till the next itteration comes out and sucks another $150 out of your pocket.

Replay Value - Downloadable. Tracks. Weekly. Nuff. Said

Rent/Buy - you cant Rent it, so go sell a kidney and buy it.